[this week and last week, author Dan Taylor is our guest blogger; these are some of his past writings]
What if they won't talk about this?
As I talk with folks around the country about their parents and how to help them as they age, one of the most common laments is that whenever they attempt to bring the subject of aging and care up, the parents either shut down completely or create a diversion. To tell the truth, I can't blame the parents for doing either. Most of the conversations begin with either assumptions or intrusions. Questions like "Have you considered a nursing home?" or the ever popular "Let's talk about selling this house before it gets to be too much." are really violations of the autonomy and freedom your parents are trying to hold on to.
Instead of trying to get your parents to agree to a DEFAULT position that you've created based on what YOU think is best for them why don't you let them DESIGN a situation that's best for THEM? It would make for a much less stressful situation and certainly one that's more interesting. But how, exactly, do you go about doing this?
Understand that some parents will never talk about this subject. Maybe those folks are your folks. If that is the case, get your name off everything that will make you legally accountable or responsible for them when they can't take care of themselves. If you don't you will have the mess of a lifetime to contend with. If they will talk about it, use the approach that we have created in The Parent Care Solution...The Six Conversations using the acronym C.A.R.E. The C is for Challenges, the A is for Alternatives, the R is for resources and the E. is for experience. Using this structure throughout the Six Conversations allows your parents to have complete control over the way their aging future looks. Your biggest job is to just listen and then see if you can help them implement it.
Here's why C.A.R.E works. Americans as a whole are stimulated by Challenges. Challenges bring out the best in us as a people. Parents are no exceptions. We always want to know what our Alternatives or options are for any challnge we face. As a people, we like options and are used to them. We have virtually unlimited Resources to face almost any situation and if we don't have them, we know someone who does. Finally, we want to completely design the Experience we have around most everything. Our long term care is no exception.
Try the C.A.R.E. approach if what you are doing isn't working. This just might do the trick.
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